i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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