dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
