also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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