Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can Purell be used as lube?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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