hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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