I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
