Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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