I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
