Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
