if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
