I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
