I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
