He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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