It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
