But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
