Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need moral support for this bender
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
