i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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