I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
