You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
