nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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