Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
