Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
