The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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