I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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