Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
