he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Randomize
