Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
