I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
