Cold hands, warm shart.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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