This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
