Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
