a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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