I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
