we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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