In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
