Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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