I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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