You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
