trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
