I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
