so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
