omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all