tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
