she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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