You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
