i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
