I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
