counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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