One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
