Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
