My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
