All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
