Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
