i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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