i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
