You can't special order awesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize