No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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