11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
