She announced her abortion via fbk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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