No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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