My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
