the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
