im drinking this country out of the recession.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
