Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
